Cabaret

I look lonely, can you fix that ?

Press play, darling.

Welcome.

Make yourself comfortable.

Watch me put on a great show, deceiving from head to toe.

What’s my name, you ask ? They call me the chameleon. Oh, you want to know my real name ? I can’t tell you, silly. Ah ah ! Hands off my mask. Don’t be too eager now, follow the script.

Close the curtains and in the dark, rewrite me entirely. Paint me into a different woman, one that doesn’t feel so much like a girl.

Sometimes I worry I’m still my dad’s creature. Sometimes I worry I’ll never fully belong to myself. Sometimes I-

This is your playground, so customize me to your liking. “Joi goes anywhere you want her to go. Joi is anything you want her to be. Everything you want to hear. Everything you want to see.”

There’s a me that rests inside a tomb even I can’t open anymore, but enough of that. Who wants to hear these kinds of ramblings ?

Let me dance for you like sin personified, the reward at the end of an impossible a perilous quest, but you don’t scare easily, do you ? Go on, sit back and relax, you’ve earned it.

Isn’t my masquerade so enticing ? Am I realistic enough ? Let’s quench our loneliness and pretend you can possess this empty shell for a little while.

“I’m yours and I’m not yours.” Already you see the cracks in my carapace. My magic isn’t half as powerful as I make it out to be.

I won’t complete you.

I won’t make you feel alive.

I won’t be your peace of mind.

I won’t save you.

Like Clementine seeking Lacuna’s help, I only need you to make me forget myself. I long to escape my own mind, so please let me drink from the river Lethe until I’m floating above the neon lights.

“What’s it like to hold the hand of someone you love ? Do you long for having your heart interlinked ? Do you feel that there’s a part of you that’s missing ?”

I promise I don’t mean to be so full of thoughts : if I knew how to get rid of them, don’t you think they’d be in a sack of rocks by now, sinking at the bottom of the darkest of seas?

Just drag me to the Underworld and perform a lobotomy with your lips. I swear I could be so good if only I wasn’t me, but in the meantime we’ll pretend I can be your perfect angel.

“We’re all just looking for something real”, we say as we put on fake smiles for the camera. Say “cheese”, and keep me in your wallet to idolize me. Think of me when I’m long gone and nothing but a perjury.

There’s so much potential in what you don’t see. Such a waste, in another life I could have been such a doll. Truth is I’ve always been hard to tame and that’s the whole problem, isn’t it ? I’m never Eve, always Lilith.

Doesn’t matter, turn up the music and drown my inner thoughts. Let me hypnotize you and trick me trick you into thinking I could be a good muse.

This was never about you; the thing in my chest is a carnivorous plant and you’re just a fly. Stab me deep and keep the blade warm inside so I don’t feel so hollow with hunger.

I just want to feel felt, but how do you reach a cloud of smoke ? You can’t savor me and keep me in your lungs very long, so enjoy me quickly, “Hold me, console me and then I’ll leave without a trace”

Everything is upside down, so go on and dance for me.

If reading me ever made you pause, think, gasp, smile or even tear up a little, consider pressing this button to support my passion, because I’m not sure I know who I am anymore if not a writer :

Thank you,

Marie.