Reckless driving

"I didn't mean to kiss you. I mean I did, but I didn't think it'd go this far..."

It was just one kiss.

It was everything.

I kissed you for a breath of fresh air.

I kissed you like I needed you to breathe.

A gentle, pleasant flutter in my chest.

An earthquake in my fragile ribcage.

I want to say I started this mindlessly, but I wonder if the truth isn’t more grim. It’s like a part of me is as cruel as a child who steps on a sandcastle, strangely surprised when someone’s suddenly crying.

When our lips met I felt the sun course through my veins and all I wanted was to bask in its warmth. Immediately, my heart fitted perfectly in the palm of your hands.

I told myself I knew better, but for once I wanted to feel and not think. Anything to distract me from the cacophony behind my eyes, but I never meant to make a hostage out of your heart.

The bright sound of your laughter became the center of my gravity, this glorious melody that feels like light streaming through the window on the first morning of summer.

I’m usually so careful, but every time I look at you I wonder what the hell I got myself into.

I never felt like this before : the red strings of fate pulled me towards you and I couldn’t do a thing to stop it. It’s not like I fought too hard anyway, I let myself be carried through your safe winds all too eagerly.

Did I say the wrong thing ? That’s the whole problem, isn’t it ? I do it on purpose and you stare at me like I speak in gold letters.

I fell in love with your voice, with every word that rolled off your tongue, like the peaceful song of a waterfall in the middle of a forest.

I love you, I do... and here comes the cut, that awful word that is ‘but’.

Hold my hand and let’s go to that forest, let’s go to every place you want ! Nothing can stop us : the world is ours for the taking, let’s drive to the end of it !

You sail on liquid bliss while I try to disentangle myself from this knot, desperate to find the only buoy.

Let’s hurry before night falls ! We can reach our destination without a map : all I need is the glow of your eyes guiding me, my beacon of hope, my heart’s compass.

Every time I mean to hit the brakes, you take it as a sign to speed up.

You’re not looking at me. How am I supposed to find my way like this ?

I only built a small fire to keep us warm, but the second my attention wavered…

Left. Right. Away. Back. Searching for the exit, searching for anything but me. My whole balance rests on your hazel eyes, the ground beneath my feet, and each time they wander I feel myself stumble.

…everything was starting to melt under the flames.

I can’t let this fire die. I was never good with the cold, come closer and blow on the embers with me.

You add kindling while I fill buckets of water, but my arms are tired and I never meant to become your firefighter.

I pull on the cord that ties us together and realize there’s no one at the other end of it. Was there ever ?

You threw all of yourself in this charade and I’m a bystander waiting for help that won’t come.

For the first time my eyes are truly open, but for you my heart was always too stubborn.

I don’t know how to keep flying through your storm.

Look at me one more time and I promise your heart will finally burn with mine.

I don’t want to suffocate with our ashes.

I need to keep you in my lungs.

I need you to let us go.

No matter what happens

It was just one kiss.

It was-

Marie’s note : Music often hums in the background of my prose, giving my snow globes their own heartbeat. Certain lyrics can give us the keys to open doors we wouldn’t have dared to touch before, and then certain songs take up so much space inside us, they deserve to occupy the center of the stage. “Reckless Driving” is one of those songs. Lizzy’s part came to me first (kind of hilarious when you know I crashed my car at the very least three times in my life) but I felt like I needed someone else’s perspective to be able to write Ben’s part too. Enters Fiona ! Writing this with her felt like an elaborate game of echoes, where we constantly switched from one role to the other, which was a fascinating and fun exercise ! I can’t thank her enough for coming along with me on this tumultuous drive.

Fiona’s note : Channeling my inner lover girl is never a problem, until Marie made me realize what the lyrics meant, which I hadn’t gotten before. Love ending in destruction. It is not something I am used to writing, but working with Marie helped in the way that we constantly switched point of views and added to one another’s views and voices on how the story would go. This is not a one line one person story. It’s a completion of two different personalities and souls that turned the song into something else, something special to our hearts. Thank you Marie for all of it.

Discover more of Fiona’s work :

Que serà, serà

And mine :

Late bloomer

Thank you for reading us, Fiona and Marie.